Strangely Beautiful
by ArtysSexKitten
Summary: Artemis contemplates on his one sided love of Domovoi and death. Warning: Character Death. Don't read if that offends. Butler chapter has been added.
1. Chapter 1

**Strangely Beautiful**

Summery: Artemis contemplates on his one sided love of Domovoi and death.

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl. But I will. I'm sure I can bribe EC into giving the Irish hotty to me. I'd take real good care of him.

Rating: M

Pairing: One sided Artemis/Butler.

Warning: SLASH. Angst. Character death. OOCness.

**Authoress' Note: Writing this while listening to a particularly haunting song by some boys choir. And also, whatever I say about the gun may or may not be true or accurate. Because remember. I can't sit here and look at a gun. All I have is a picture of it.**

**Someone does die in this. And you're all bright enough to know who. So if you don't want to read about it. Then don't. It's really that simple.**

It's strangely beautiful, the way the moonlight hits the deep silver in the barrel. Making the pistol look as though it's glowing.

I admire it's beauty as I sit alone in my dark room. Perched neatly on my bed. My door isn't locked and neither is the one leading to Butler's adjoining bedroom.

But it's late and my guard has long retired to his room to sleep.

I turn my gaze back to the gun in my slim hands. Turning it around in my long fingers.

It's smooth and cold against my palms and I enjoy the feeling.

I smile. Sliding a few digits along the top of the gun. It's heavy in my hands and I wonder how it feels to Butler. But my beloved guard is a lot stronger than I.

As if by instinct, I turn my head to stare at the closed door to Domovoi's room. A frown turns my lips downward as I think about him. It really is his fault that I'm in this situation. However selfish that may sound.

But it is.

You see. I confessed my love to him. It was 5 hours, 57 minutes and 13 seconds ago that I did it. I confessed my ever lasting love to him and he turned me down.

_Turned me down._

And not only that. But while he quite harshly told me that he would never feel the same way. He crushed me. Tore my heart out and stood on it. _Destroyed_ my very soul with those words. He's quite the multi-tasker. My guard.

So now I sit. Alone in the darkness of my large bedroom. Butler's Sig Sauer I had taken from his room while he slept, in my hands.

I am quite proud of myself for taking it without waking my darling protector. He is a very light sleeper you know. Waking at the smallest sound. But _I'm _light on my feet and when I walk bare foot on the plush carpet of the manor. I can be totally silent if I choose too be.

So I took the gun. And I must admit I stayed for a little while and watched him sleep.

He's beautiful when he sleeps. His chiseled, hard features are relaxed. His breathing soft and even. My guard doesn't wear clothes to bed either. I know this because the sheet had been kicked down. Revealing the hard, toned muscles of his chest and stomach.

Oh how I'd love to touch those muscles. Run my fingers over them. Memorizing every crease. Every valley. Every inch of skin of that body. But alas I cannot. Which brings me back to the task at hand.

This gun really is beautiful. It's smooth, cool surfaces feel wonderful to my warm hands. It's a strange beauty though. This _is_ a gun after all. It brings death and that isn't beautiful. But the object itself. This deadly weapon. It's got a beauty that only people who have had their very soul ripped from their bodies, could understand.

Because it _brings death._ And that, right now, _is_ beautiful.

"Beautiful." I say softly, turning it around in my hands so it's facing me. "You're beautiful. Beautiful like Butler."

As I raise my arms, I think wryly that the gun and it's owner aren't really that different. Both are dangerous. Both bring death. _Both_ are beautiful.

And both will be the cause of my end.

I point the pistol at my forehead. The index finger of my right hand moving to curl around the trigger. There is no silencer. Not that I would have been able to find one. But I want Butler to _hear_ it. I want him to know how much pain he caused me this afternoon.

How _much_.

As I sit here, gun pressing into the side of my temple. I think of how a few words can bring a person such torment. How a few sentences can extinguish the light that once was their soul. Stamp it out like a cigarette butt.

But that just shows how fragile the human mind is. One word. Just _one word_. Breaks us.

_No_

That word...

"_Do you love me?"_

"_No."_

Butler said that word to me this afternoon. And now I'm sitting here. Gun to my head. It's almost funny. Almost.

I let my blue eyes drift over to the closed door to my right. My beloved bodyguards room. The man who both stole my heart. And crushed it.

He's protected me from harm since birth. But he can't save me now. And it's ironic that he'd my harms cause.

But I love him. And I think I always will.

I pull the trigger.

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**Ending Note:** Yes I made him commit suicide. Sorry... Here are some Sorry Cookies. Take as much as you like. But that aside... was it alright?

Well review and tell me nice things. D They don't have that button so you can mouth off.

I told you at the beginning their was a character death. So if you are against it. You should have already left. Because flames do nothing but waste my review pages.


	2. Never Again

**Strangely Beautiful**

Summery: Artemis contemplates on his one sided love of Domovoi and death.

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl. But I will. I'm sure I can bribe EC into giving the Irish hotty to me. I'd take real good care of him.

Rating: M

Pairing: Butler/Artemis.

Warning: SLASH. Angst. Character death. OOCness. And my horrible, horrible grammar.

**Authoress' Greeting: Look I wrote a Butler chapter! Continuing from where the last one left off. Enjoy. This time from Third Person POV. And is _slightly_ different than the Artemis one. Because of different feelings. That or I'm just not paying attention and didn't try hard enough.**

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**Never Again**

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The night air is crisp and cold. Frost spiders its way across the glass of windows. And the frozen branches on the surrounding trees on the Manor grounds shiver and sway in slight winter breeze.

All is still in these late hours. The large, ancient Manor house is quiet. And it's occupants, save one, are in bed.

But the silence of night is disturbed by a single gun shot. The sound slicing through the peaceful air like a sharp knife through flesh. (1)

The sudden noise goes surprisingly unnoticed by three of the five people living in the Manor. But it wakes one of the remaining two.

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As Artemis Fowl the Second falls motionless to his now blood stained sheets. The gun slipping from his hand. Domovoi Butler sits up in bed. Shooting up from a once dreamless sleep in alarm.

That was a gun shot. A fucking gun shot and it sounded as though it had come from Artemis' room.

By instinct he reaches for the Sig Sauer he keeps on the night stand. Only to find it gone. The panic that twists his insides already, doubles and he's out the door faster than you can blink.

But as he enters the eerily still room of his charge he stops. Mid stride in the doorway.

Though it's dark and the curtains are almost fully drawn. The light from the full moon outside still manages to light up the bedroom with it's haunting silver glow.

Falling on the ghastly scene on the bed.

What once where white, crisp sheets are now coloured a deep, almost black red. A silver pistol. Smoking slightly lies forgotten on the floor. And a body, lying face up on the blood stained sheets.

Before Butler can even register what might've happened, he's left the door way and is crouched over the bedside. Hands reaching out to the still and lifeless form of his young employer. Running one large hand through the blood soaked hair.

"Artemis..."

Finger's twitching and mind numb, he carefully slips his arms under the boys body and lifts him up. Cradling him to his chest. Artemis' head lolls backwards and his glassy blue eyes stare up and through his guard.

Butler avoids the blank gaze and turns his attention to the bullet wound on the side of Artemis' head. Blood covers the porcelain skin and black hair. The coppery smell is overwhelming and even though Domovoi is far used to the smell of fresh blood. He stumbles to the floor. Artemis still held fast in his arms.

Because this is the smell of _Artemis_' blood. And this is Artemis' lifeless body in his arms. His fucking charge he'd promised to protect with his fucking life. It was _his_ dead body Butler was almost crushing to his chest.

It was Artemis.

Tears sting his eyes as they cloud his vision and he doubles over. This recent revelation almost causing him to collapse into loud and choking sobs. Holding the boy so closely it would surely hurt Artemis if the genius could feel it.

_Why did he do it? _Butler's mind screams. Over and over again. What had driven the boy to steal Butler's gun and shoot himself?. What had-

"_Do you love me?"_

"_No."_

The question from that afternoon and Butler's own response repeats itself in his mind and he looks down at Artemis. The boy stares right back. And even though Domovoi knows Artemis isn't really _looking_ at him. It feels that, even though dead, the genius is confirming that that afternoons fight had driven him to suicide.

The blue eyes and dry tear tracks say it all.

It's mocking. To think that Butler had caused his own charge to kill himself. It's mocking and makes the pain of loss that much harder to deal with. Much harder to bare.

Because he was the reason. It was his fault. Knowing Artemis was dead and that he was the cause, was going to eat away at him. Until he went insane with guilt.

Perhaps _he_ should kill himself. He thought idly. What did he have left now that Artemis was gone? He had nothing. He couldn't go on and find another charge. Someone _else_ to guard.

"I don't want someone else." he muttered. Holding Artemis closer to him and resting his cheek against the black hair.

He didn't want someone else. He wanted Artemis. He wanted _his_ Artemis. Why did he have to be so fucking stupid and tell the boy he didn't... Didn't love him back. At the time he had thought saying that was the right thing to do. After all, Butler was old enough to be Artemis' father. Loving someone who was more than half your age was wrong. But obviously _Artemis _hadn't thought so. He'd obviously thought being with Butler was a good thing.

"I must have broken his heart." the guard muttered to himself. Hating himself more and more every second.

He'd broken, _killed_ the only thing that had ever mattered to him. Besides Juliet. But that was different. Juliet was his baby sister. She meant the life to him. He loved her. But as _family_. (2) Artemis was different.

Artemis was... Artemis.

The Irish genius was special. He made Butler feel things he hadn't felt in years. Things he'd _forgotten_ to feel as his many years as a bodyguard, as a soldier, as an assassin. But Artemis had changed that. Changed _him_. From the time he'd first held Artemis, five hours after he'd been born. To when the genius had declared his love for Butler so many hours ago.

Choking back a sob, Domovoi curled over. Cocooning the smaller body in his embrace. Holding onto Artemis as though just clutching him, would make those blue eyes open. Would make the slender form warm. Would make him _wake up. _Sit up and smile at Butler and tell him that everything was going to be alright.

But those eyes would never open again. And that body would never again radiate the warmth it once had. Butler would never again see that beautiful smile. Never _again_ would he come into the genius' room and get him up. Because Artemis wasn't _going_ to wake up.

Never again.

Finally, the dam broke and tears fell down Butler's cheeks. Soaking into flannel covered chest of the genius as he held the boy to him. Rocking back and forth. His sorrow was overwhelming and his sobs grew in volume. He didn't think he could cry this hard. Or this loud. His lungs ached from the strain and his throat burned. But the tears didn't stop. They kept streaming down his face like a waterfall.

"Artemis." he moaned, "Artemis, Artemis, _Artemis_." the mantra of the boys name continued. Over and over again. And the sorrow built. The feeling of loss and guilt. His anger toward himself clouded together.

Butler pulled away as his sobs grew softer and he pressed a kiss to the cold lips of the genius. Willing him to wake up. Praying for him to just _open his eyes_. But he didn't. The boy was still.

And just because of one stupid word. Butler couldn't explain how much he hated that word. But he hated himself more. After all. _He _had been the one to _say_ it. None of this would have happened if the guard had just told the truth. Had told Artemis that he loved him back. That he would like nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with the other. That he was sorry.

But it was too late. Artemis would never know how much he had meant to his guard. And Butler would never get the chance to tell him.

Never again.

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I didn't want to say something over used like "A knife through butter."

(2) One should hope. LOL.

**Ending Note:** Good golly this was _so_ much harder to write than the other chapter. I kept... _drifting_ off the point. Forgetting to include Butlers feelings for Artemis constantly. Arraggghhh! I blame the lack of mood music I have at my disposal. I _need_ good music to suite the mood of the fic. (grabs the nearest reader to her) I_ need _it so I can concentrate or the whole thing goes down the loo.

Some of you say you don't get a lot feeling from my angst fics. Well that's ok. My fics aren't that poetic. Lol. So you don't tend to see pretty descriptions and a fic that's full of feeling. I'd like to be poetic. But... I tend to be just... blunt. Oh well...


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